My life, in spite of all the craziness, is going well. But boy has there been craziness! I feel like a surfer in the high waves at times – a wrong move and it’s wipe out. But the good news is that in the Lord there is no real wipe out – not if your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
I thought I had learned this lesson already, ha ha, to keep focused. But it seems I am getting advanced training. In the past, a lot of this would have gotten me down, but I have learned to look for God’s path through those winds and waves.
In fact, I have had to refine my focus. I chose, for many reasons, to eliminate a lot of the superfluous out of my life. Doing that was hard in some respects, but I did it. And I am glad I did. Sometimes I think about venturing out again and when I do, and see a bunch of craziness, I just retreat to my simpler way of looking at things.
The ministry world is going crazy. And since I am in ministry too, that means something.
Oh, not everyone, thank God, but a bunch. People that I have loved, honored and looked up to as good have wild and crazy things going on. All over the place! Part of it I know is realizing that the baton is being passed to us as the new older generation. We are the ones, at my age, who are becoming the elder saints. And because of that, we are seeing the human frailties that affect so many.
When we are young, we put these elders up on pedastals and give them a type of God-status, because they are our leaders and we are to respect them. And we were able to – at least I was able to. But as I mature in years, and get to know more and more, the more I see that I wish I didn’t have to see.
But this is also a faith test! This whole life is a test! I wish I could relax, but I don’t see that for this life. I have peaceful moments and places and friends and for all those I am so grateful. Compared to many, I have A LOT to be thankful for!
You can get stuck in the mindset of groups of people. But after it being good for so long, suddenly it’s not. Well, depending on the circumstance, I’d have to qualify that, but I am speaking generally as a trend. I see God shifting me and as one who likes to nest, it’s been work for me to cooperate with it. But honestly, I feel I am doing better than I ever have done in the past with this shift. I am relaxing more.
Part of it was learning to give up the wrong soul ties of unbelief and attitudes. I am not saying that to elevate myself in anyway but I am speaking about an internal work in me. In the last two years I have had my literal life on the line and and I take things much more seriously. What thoughts come into my head that affect me must be strictly monitored!
I was diagnosed with terminal cancer but all my reports are coming back clear! Hallelujah!!! At my check up last month, after CTs and blood work and other tests, (and no chemo), my nice but skeptical doctor said I was doing remarkable. Tears come to my eyes as I thank the Lord for that.
It’s been a witness, but also a personal journey. I have had a lot of prayer, I have worked to improve my diet, but more than anything, I sought the Lord as my Healer – because He is a Healer! If someone asked me, “Pam, what did you do?” I would answer that I looked to Jesus as my Healer because He is a Healer!
There was nothing I could do beyond reasonableness to “fix” this. And I don’t think I got this out of rebellion. I honestly think God used it to make me focus more on Him and His will for my life. It’s a personal journey, like it or not and it’s not about what everyone else thinks!
When you get diagnosed with cancer – and I write this because of the people that also might be facing this too – it feels like someone is pointing a gun at you and they are saying, “I am going to shoot you, and you are going to die, but not right away and it is going to hurt a lot.” You know some things just happen but I call this the terrorism of the diagnosis.
People talk to you like you are thinking normally but your mind is in survival mode and you are rethinking your attitude about your future in a big way! But in my prayers of seeking the Lord, I heard Him tell me that it was not about what type of time I had left but that my life was in His Hands and that is what mattered. And I felt led not to do chemo. (A friend of mine did who had stage 4, and he is doing well! Another miracle!) But we both sought the Lord.
So as I meditated on Him, I knew – because thank God I had been taught – even with being persecuted for it – that Jesus is a Healer. So if my God is a Healer, then He wants healing for me, because He is a good God and He does not change. And I am really sorry if someone doesn’t like that, ha ha, but they can have my burdens and deal with them for themselves if they think they can do things better!
But I am going to stick with my path of life. In the midst of dealing with all that, I was dealing with other stuff too, and I think everybody has “stuff” they deal with. But there was some pretty rough stuff. But again, the Lord was telling me that the focus was to be upon Him.
Through this process, I was surprised at some of the things He said to let go of and surprised at some of the things He said to look into. I had to close down some ministry avenues and look to others, but the others have proved to have more life for me. In the beginning I did not realize that, but can see it much clearer now looking back.
More and more I am am learning to “go with the flow” of God and not try to force things. I can stand for things, but I can’t force things. In my zeal, like so many, I used to want to force a lot of things. But I have to say that I have learned more how to let go and let God, and hold on. That sounds funny, but you have to hear it in the Spirit.
I have to hold on to the things I know are right. I have to let go of the things that are not, and I have to be more flexible in allowing God to adjust things. With that heart in mind, I believe I am sensing more when He is saying “yes” and “no, not a good idea” to other things. And I am finding life!
It is even harder for me is to observe the mistakes of people I love. I can’t do anything about it! All I can do is be who I am. And I will be who I am because nothing else works. And I have realized that being who I am, in Him, is the best thing I can do. Because if God can position people where HE wants to position them, then He can move, by His Spirit, the way HE wants to move.
I often read the news on the internet and other places and things seem crazy! Especially in the church. Respected people are no longer respected like they used to be. But of course, many still are respected, and what makes for respect?
When I was diagnosed as terminal, many people immediately began to write me off. But you know, we are all terminal! We just have a short space in this life and then we move on, but what to? It pays to get to know your God.
But some, many in fact, have really rejoiced at my recovery. Some are wide-eyed that God would do such a thing, but He will! There is a path of life. The Lord is your Shepherd and He will lead and guide you.
I think people make the mistake of wanting a majestic finish. It may not be so majestic, but it can be Life. And that Life has a majesty all of its own. Internal eternal life can make you very happy. And it’s a sure thing.
We are prepared for the times to come. And if we are called to be God’s then we all have a ministry. It may not have a shingle on the door announcing “who you are” but it is there in your soul. You can hear “I am His.”
Life can get crazy. If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? But the foundations are still sure in God. Don’t be fooled by those who say He doesn’t matter or that His Book is not for today. It is. He holds the words to eternal life.
Blessings to you~
Pam
